Amanda (m00ng00dess) wrote,

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Just Recently

Well, since Tommy is now on the internet, I have to update my journal more often just so he can feed his nosy bug, lol. Ash hasn't bugged me about it lately, wonder if she's sick, she usually does. Oh Well. I'm supposedly "walking a thin line" with my mom. She thinks that I have a nasty attitude, I haven't done shit. I don't understand at all. It's like everyone hates me lately, and I have no clue how to react. Am I supposed to just go along with it, like it's normal for hate to overwhelm me? Am I supposed to fight it, struggle with it? What did I do to deserve this, and when will it end? Listening to my mom talk shit in the room right adjacent to me is quite offensive, I have to admit, if she values her privacy, and expects me to stay out of her room all the time, then maybe she should stay out of my things, my diary especially, thats really none of her business, and frankly, I don't think that I would ever do that to my daughter or son. She and Mike weren't home but 10 minutes and they were yelling at me about not having dinner ready, my "attitude", and staying out of their room, like I was some russian spy out to get them, to plot daft but shifty things against their valued privacy. Like I want to be in there, in the nicotine drenched lair they call a bedroom, on the sex-smelling, cum-stained, body-filthed bed and pillows, in the toxic, invisible, tempest cloud the consumes every body to enter the so-called domain they so value.
I am worried that Tommy doesn't love me any more....he may comment on that....heehee....anyways he really doesn't show it, and I know that those of u who follow, know that he does, but like, I mean that he doesn't express his love through actions, only through words, which implies that he only wants me for sex, of which he gets, which makes me even more scared, that the one with whom I lost my virginity, only wants me for what he gets almost every weekend.....i hope that wasn't too much of a shock to Kary, I love you dear.....
I am taking really hard classes next year, and so therefore my goal, im such a loser, is to have the highest GPA in my class....because I am taking 3 Ap courses, is this possible, the only thing that would be able to stop me would be Adam Gross, the ass face....well....gonna go, getting screamed at, even tho im not feeling the love, i still give some to the world.....and my lover....Tommy, Kiana
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